bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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