Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
