i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
