Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
