Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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