maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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