If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
