community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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