lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
