I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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