i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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