Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
