You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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