you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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