How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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