I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize