Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
