I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
