had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
