WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
