Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
