If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
