I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
