he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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