I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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