I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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