Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
