Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
