the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
