OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
