so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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