I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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