I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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