My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
