Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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