So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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