Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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