I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
