Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
