I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're like the curious george of whores
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
