Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
