Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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