and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
