I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
