I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
