Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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