I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
