i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
