Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
