O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
