toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is my gift to your gina
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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