i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize