before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
