I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
