mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
