I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
