I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
