if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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