When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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