shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.