Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.