I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.