and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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