ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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