Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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